Quirky Digitals

Tag: anxiety

  • Depression and anxiety through the pandemic

    It’s been a while….it’s been a while since I’ve had motivation. I know this year has been trying and difficult as heck for everyone. As someone who suffers from clinical depression, severe anxiety, among other things I’ve unfortunately let it get the best of me.

    One of the reasons I even started this blog was to encourage others to find ways to cope with mental illness through creativity. And it’s embarrassing for me to say I’m not coping very well at all.

    It’s so hard being unable to do what we used to do without batting an eye. The masks I simply cannot wear, from PTSD through being almost suffocated, plus asthma along with the anxiety it’s just not something I can tolerate. I’m sure I’m not alone in this struggle. So, I stay out of places, I order groceries and household essentials to be picked up curbside. And utilize drive thru fast food on occasion. I haven’t been out to eat with the family since March. I’m sure I’m not the only person feeling out of touch with humanity.

    How are you dealing with this difficult time? It’s something I never thought would happen and I’m sure a lot of others didn’t either.

    I went from feeling confident again to feeling so incompetent. My newly remodeled craftroom/office is a disaster. Unopened, new supplies that should bring joy and excitement are sitting in piles. It’s a sad situation.

    And then I think of those who have lost loved ones, and the elderly in nursing homes who are unable to see family. I’m an empath so I feel that in my heart and soul.

    What I’m hoping by getting all of this out, unfiltered, and raw, is to boost myself into coming out of this depression. It’s been a year and a half since I hit rock bottom, I really don’t want to get back there again.

    If you, too, are suffering and feeling alone, isolated, and depressed please don’t hesitate to reach out. I truly believe getting it out to someone who can listen and cares helps.

    Much love, prayers and healing thoughts for you and those you love. Blessings and take care!

    PS I do have projects coming up, new printables, new items for my Etsy shop, and hopefully, a review and video of the new Cricut Foil Transfer Kit will be up very soon.

  • Be Proactive with Your Care for Mental Health!

    I saw my primary care provider this past Friday, actually, not my usual one as she was out last week. I needed refills that somehow I let run out. It was all good, I saw the fill in and she sent my refills to the pharmacy. I had enough for Friday night so I decided to wait until Saturday to pick them up. Very bad decision. I went to the pharmacy Saturday and got the meds, but never thought to open the bag! Yup, it wasn’t until the pharmacy was closed that I realized the most crucial one wasn’t in the bag.

    I kinda brushed it off, it surely would be ok to be without until Monday, right? WRONG! Sunday I could already tell I was more anxious, every little thing was bugging me. Plus, I barely slept Saturday night. I got through the weekend, but hardly slept at all and by Monday morning I was a mess, headache, heart racing, sweats, I felt awful. Just from missing 2 doses!

    I haven’t felt that bad since a couple of months after my last hospital stay. I learned my lesson. I will be monitoring when my refills are due and when I pick up meds I’ll be sure to make sure they are all there. After all of that turmoil I went through in 2018-2019 I never want to get to that point again. This little set back was close enough.

    We’ve gotta stay on top of our own health care. Mental and physical. Don’t let appointments, refills, etc slide by. Your health is too important to ignore.

    I’m sure in a couple of days I will be back to my more recent happy & energetic but ugh, I sure hated this back sliding no matter how short lived.

    Take care of yourselves! We can be our own best friends or our own worst enemies. I’d rather by my own best friend 😉

    xoxo~Dawn

  • How Depression Led Me to Start My Blog

    Hello everyone,

    **TRIGGER WARNING** this post is about child loss, depression, and suicidal thoughts

    I want to share with you how I got to the point where I started this blogging adventure that led to the birth of A Quirky Crafter. The blog that quite literally gave me my life back!

    My high school sweetie, John and I married when I was 16 and he 18. We had a gorgeous daughter, Amanda, 9 months later, then we welcomed our adorable son, Johnie, 19 months after her. Life was tough, minimum wage was still $3.35 for John, but I had my purpose, I so loved our kids, I was young enough to keep up with them and we had a great time.

    When they started school, Amanda was first, me and Johnie had the BEST 2 years! We played, and bonded. He was truly a Mama’s boy at that time. Even after they were both in grade school we would play. Legos, cars, basketball, later on golf, lots of stuff outside. Life was good.

    When Amanda and Johnie were 15 & 13 I got my GED and went to Medical Assisting school in 1999. It was tough but I love to learn and I graduated with a 4.0 in 2000. I got a job and worked 2 years then changed to a higher paying position. Everything was great! The kids got through school and Amanda had a job in a doctor’s office and Johnie (Bub) went to work at Best Buy.

    In 2010, Bub decided to enroll in Motorcycle Mechanic’s Institute in Phoenix, AZ. I had just started a new job in a doctor’s office and hated to see him go but heck, that’s what we hope for when we raise our kids. We want them to grow, learn, and experience life. He took off on his Harley and rode from Western Ky to Phoenix, AZ. By himself! I was terrified. He did call me one day on his trip, his GPS had died a sudden death and he needed me to find the nearest Best Buy so he could get another. I was thrilled he still needed his mom.

    He did great, he transferred to the Best Buy in Phoenix and worked to put himself through school. We helped him along the way but we were so proud of him for putting his all into school and work. Here he is in his MMI gear with a shaved head and beard. Ha, I sent him razors, shaving cream, and such for Christmas!

    Johnie graduated January 6, 2012. He was a very experienced motorcycle rider and was so careful. On Saturday, January 7, 2012, Johnie and his friends had a graduation party. For whatever reason, Johnie made a very bad decision to leave the party a little after midnight. He didn’t make it far on his bike. I remember the details like it was 5 minutes ago. He crashed just a mile or so from where the party was.

    John and I were sick with a stomach bug on January 7, Johnie(Bub) had called us around 8 pm CST saying he was going to a party. John had him on speaker phone and we both told him to be careful and not ride if he drank. I had a horrible feeling. Then…..

    Sunday morning, January 8th, at 6:03 am, there were 6 knocks on the front door. John got there first, I was right behind wrapped in a quilt. I remember seeing the officer’s hat, one of those almost like a cowboy hat with the large brim with a metal symbol on it. I just started saying “I knew, I knew”, over and over. I collapsed to the floor.

    Our beautiful, precious, son died a little after midnight Phoenix time on January 8, 2012.


    I went back to work a week after. But the nightmares, depression, and anxiety took a major toll on me. John, as well. I worked for 6 months but I was making simple mistakes and just not giving my 110%. I resigned in July 2012. To this day I still have PTSD (I have a very vivid imagination and even though I wasn’t there I picture the accident when I close my eyes). I have night terrors, the depression and anxiety I’ve had all of my life have gotten to the point where I can barely function at times.

    I wanted to try going back to work, I would schedule interviews but come time to go I would have major panic attacks. I finally just gave up. I sank into a major depression in 2018. I pretty much stopped eating, or when I did I would vomit or have to run to the bathroom. The nightmares would have me screaming in the night. I started sleeping way too much. I stopped caring how I looked or if I was clean. I ignored the bills. I gave up on life. I became suicidal in 2019. Luckily, I didn’t succeed, I’m sure the good Lord had a hand in that.

    After my last hospital stay last in June 2019, I started feeling more my old self. My meds were apparently at the right doses. I started wanting to do things again! I had blogged before and even did graphic design. I found a new passion. I’m now excited to get up and get started every day. I’m constantly brainstorming ideas, I’m taking online courses, learning new things. I have a newfound ambition! Instead of being barely able to get out of bed, I now hit the floor running, not literally, but you get the idea. Check out 5 Ways to Get Motivated When You Feel Stuck for ideas that might help you, it features some things I did that helped me.

    Main thing, if you are suffering with depression, anxiety, etc, don’t give up! I promise you, there is a reason you are here, WE are here. I know how it is when things are at their darkest, when it feels like there is no longer a purpose. But I gotta tell ya, there IS a purpose, there IS a reason you are still here. Please never give up. There is always help, always hope.

    I will never stop missing Johnie, and I still remember him every moment of the day. I mostly remember him with joy now. I feel he would be pleased that I’m no longer held hostage to the debilitating pain of depression. It’s still there but it’s under control.

    Please, if you are struggling contact NAMI. Or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ don’t give in to the pain.

    xoxo~Dawn

    P.S. You might also enjoy reading How I Deal With Being ‘Creatively’ Depressed.

  • The Best Bullet Journal I've Found..

    Hello to my fellow Creative Quirks!

    I recently wrote a post about dealing with ‘Creative Depression’, not to make light of being depressed, it’s just something I call myself (Creatively Depressed). I’m happy to say I’m not feeling too depressed since I started my new blog. The journal I’m featuring here is Scribbles That Matter. It’s perfect for journaling and mood tracking.

    In the aforementioned post I wrote about things I do to help my symptoms. One is journaling, I listed some items I use to express my thoughts. One of my favorites is this Scribbles That Matter Bullet Journal, I have it in pink and I ordered a new one to share with y’all.

    **this is not a promoted post this review contains my honest thoughts on this product, although if you use my links to purchase one of your own I may receive a small commission from Amazon**

    I have this exact one as my personal journal but decided to order a new one so that I can share with y’all some spreads and such as I fill it up in 2020. (please forgive my poor photography, I’m using my iPhone and can’t find my tripod for it)

    Check out this wonderful cover! I love it, it’s faux leather and has wonderful embossed icons. It’s so nice! Scribbles That Matter embossed cover

    I really appreciate the nice touches, the pen holder is very secure with a rivet on the back cover. The pages are nice and thick, plus there’s a pen test page near the back cover so that you can check to bleed through! It’s a nice dotted journal which I love, it makes it so easy to add a bulleted list.

    If you use this journal or order one I would absolutely love to see your spreads. I love doodles, lettering, and all the fun stuff we can do with pens and markers.

    If you aren’t into journaling perhaps you know someone who is, I bet you or they would love to find this under the tree this Christmas (or anytime)! I highly recommend the Scribbles That Matter Bullet Journal, it comes in several covers and includes a nice cardboard sleeve to store it.

    xoxo~Dawn

  • How I Deal With Being Creatively Depressed…

    ARE YOU CREATIVELY DEPRESSED?

    What the heck does “creatively depressed” mean? It’s probably not an official term lol but I call myself that sometimes. I’ve suffered with anxiety, depression, and being known as quirky or weird my whole life. People would call me quirky or weird like it was a bad thing?! I have come to really enjoy being quirky, so much so that I call myself A Quirky Crafter.

    How many of you share my experiences even slightly? I’ve always been creative, not just with crafting, card-making, scrapbooking  <– one of my digital scrapbook galleries, but also writing and making up stories.

    When I was about 7 or 8, I would lie on the grass and stare up at the sky and wonder…what if there was nothing. Like, there was never a universe, or stars, the sun, moon, no air, no planets, no animals, or people, not even blackness.. just nothingness. That’s some heavy shit for a kid! I would think things like that for hours. And my dreams, oh my, even to this day I have the most vivid dreams, sometimes real life nightmares and night terrors from life experiences. But a lot of my dreams are just like watching a movie play out in my head. No wonder I’m always exhausted when I wake up ha.

    Maybe creatives become depressed in part because of their deep thoughts? One thing I know about me is I am hypersensitive and very intuitive. Sometimes it scares me that I can know something before I actually hear or see it.

    HERE’S HOW being creatively depressed AFFECTS ME

    For the last several years my depression/anxiety/PTSD and such has gotten much worse. Especially after the loss of my 25-yr-old son, Johnie, aka The Death Fist, in 2012 to a tragic accident. I know this is a terrible photo but in his defense he hated having his picture taken lol. See the Death Fist?! ha

    I even went through a couple of hospital stays for being suicidal, one time was too close for comfort. I was going through a really rough patch where I wasn’t showering, I was sleeping the day away, drinking a little too much (okay, a lot sometimes), not paying bills, I was just a mess. I completely neglected everything. I didn’t do any crafting at all, no reading, barely any housework, not much cooking. I would just sit and stare at the TV or sleep. I even lost a bunch of weight from not eating. This caused some major relationship and health problems.

    FINDING A PASSION!

    After several months at my worst I’m happy to say I am doing so much better. I’ve not self-harmed in quite some time! I realize the depression/anxiety will never go completely away it seems but it’s under control for now. Therapy and the correct med doses are a big help. I’m actually back to doing the things I love: creating, cooking, eating, smiling, laughing, and talking to my friends. Now I know what to watch for, so does my family, and I’m really trying to work on my issues. I have started writing again, I love to write poetry, I love to journal, I love to create and maybe one day soon I’ll share some.

    LEARNING NEW THINGS

    What’s helped the most is finding a new passion, throwing myself into learning all about blogging, WordPress, and I’m learning a little more CSS & HTML. I’m still working on exactly what my niche is, my brain is always pulled in a million directions lol, as creatives usually are. My real passions are making things, sharing my creations, helping others, sharing my thoughts, and baring my soul.

    Following the losses of so many creative people I have admired: Robin Williams, Chris Cornell, Chester Bennington, the list goes on and on… I realized that what I had heard for so many years is true, creatives tend to suffer in silence with their depression. I want to be one of the ones not ashamed of depression and anxiety. It’s a big part of me but it’s NOT all I am. No one should feel they have to suffer in silence.

    If anything comes out of my blogging I hope I can share my story with at least one person with whom I can have a positive impact on and maybe give them encouragement and a reason to not give up. I refuse to suffer in silence any longer and no one else should either. As I work on this post I heard that an acquaintance that I had made shirt designs for took his own life. That to me, made it even more important to share this post.

    THINGS I HAVE FOUND TO HELP ME COPE

    Along my journey a few things have helped me ease out of the deepest depression. I’d like to share those with you. There are many, many choices for journaling (bullet, art, Bible, traditional diary style, etc) there’s no wrong or right way to journal. Main thing is just do it. Open a notebook, journal, scrap of paper, throw paint on a canvas, sculpt something, it doesn’t have to be fancy and definitely don’t worry about perfection, just start pouring your heart out. Heck, if you aren’t into journaling maybe song writing is your thing?! It doesn’t have to be grammatically correct or in perfect form. This is your heart and soul. Don’t worry about making perfect sentences or anything like that, just start writing and/or creating. Whatever comes to mind, don’t overthink it. Although I love the Bible I know not everyone has the same faith, but anything that gives you reason to live grasp it and please, don’t give up.

    Here are just a few ideas, these are just suggestions that I have personally used and loved. These might not be right for you and that’s okay, there are so many options. Follow your heart and soul. Be sure to have fun finding and trying out new pens, papers, paints, etc. The little girl in me still loves stationery, stickers, pens, pencils and all of those fun things! Michaels here I come!

    1) Art Journaling!

    One book I love is Dylusions by Dyan Reaveley of Ranger. I spilled my heart out in mine, I’ll share a spread soon. The pages are nice and thick which allows you to really build a nicely layered page without tearing or bleeding through.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Ranger has a huge line of supplies to assist you with your journaling, such as, pens, inks, markers, rubber stamps, and it’s sooooo much fun to do! Oh, and don’t miss out on playing with Gelatos by Faber Castel!

    2) Bible Journaling:

    I discovered Bible Journaling kind of by accident. At first I was taken aback, I mean, doodling and coloring in my Bible? OH the scandal that might create, I can almost hear my Daddy and Grandfather from Heaven fussing at me! But then I found the Illustrated Faith line of products and learned about Shanna Noel who is the pioneer at the heart of Bible journaling. She opened my eyes to see that God would be honored for us to use His word as a way to express ourselves creatively, study, and worship while we do!

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    3) Bullet Journaling!

    Such a fun way to document and journal. I prefer a dotted journal but there are gridded ones and lined ones. Something about those dots though makes me smile. It’s so much fun to add little doodles, headings, make lists. Check out my Pinterest board that’s dedicated to Bullet Journaling for lots of ideas. I like this  Dotted Journal by Scribbles That Matter I have it in pink. The pages are smooth and durable and virtually no bleed through, there’s even a pen test page to test your pens on before you mess up a real page! Its faux leather doodly design is so much fun! It has a pen holder and a strap to hold it closed.

    4) Guided Journals

    Such as Good Days Start With Gratitude: A 52 Week Guide To Cultivate An Attitude Of Gratitude are great if you need journaling prompts. There are many others available but this one is only $6.99, sweet deal!

    5) Traditional diaries

    You might prefer the traditional diary, complete with a lock, or a simple notebook. There are so many options that I’m sure you will find just the right thing.

    If journaling isn’t for you don’t fret, you will find your passion whether it be cooking, exercise, volunteering, blogging, the sky’s the limit! I apologize for my wordiness, apparently I’m quite passionate about this subject lol. OH, I almost forgot to mention coloring. I absolutely love ‘adult’ coloring books. There’s something so relaxing about coloring. Get a couple and try it if you haven’t yet. It’s-so-much-fun!

    Drop me a comment, share a project of yours, tell me your story if you like.

    xoxo~Dawn

     

     

Quirky Digitals